I will, I will!! I'll go as soon as I can.

I'm nearly at the end of my course, i have until May to get all the work and such done, it's fine. I'll make it. I'll make myself make it. Then I'll have.. 4 months to look for a decent Therapist, then I'll be back at college doing a course in veterinary nursing, that'll help my mental health hugely. I know much more about animals than I do music. So, I don't want to quit the course, it'd make me feel useless.

I may as well stick all this out and just wait for it to be over, and in the meantime search for a real, proper T. It wasn't last night that I hit myself and such, it was this morning/this afternoon. Connor was there when I did it. He stood up and tried to grab my wrists, I got scared, thinking he was going to hurt me, so pushed him away he wasn't going to hurt me, but I just.. Felt way tooo vulnerable in such a state, with his tall body looming over mine.

I'm worrying about that now though, because he's thinking it's break up or the arguments could get worse and we could end up hurting each other . But, I'm just trying so hard to get the help and support I need and no-one's helping at the moment.