My Support Forums - View Single Post

imapatient · Jan 26, 2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

but if it's true that transference only occurs early in a therapeutic relationship, if this "knowledge" isn't refuted then, what else is there? I don't think I have transference for my T (both females).

Transference occurs with all relationships. It just means that the way one thinks or behaves when relating to others is influenced by past relationships such that people aren't necessarily dealing with other people in ways that are strictly related to their present circumstances, their actual relationship with that other person. It isn’t just related to curiosity about a T’s personal life, sexual issues, desire to have a regular relationship with, etc.

My T recently described it to me this way: There are primary objects and secondary objects in our lives. The main primary objects are our parents (but not only them). Transference occurs when the way we relate to a secondary object is (partially) shaped by the experiences we've had with primary relationships, i.e. we play out conflicts and other issues with a primary object with a secondary object. He described those primary object issues as being a "fuel" for playing out those issues with secondary objects. Therefore, we can overreact (or underact)--or whatever else--in responding to a present situation because it's being hypercharged by the primary object experience. A man who had major problems with his mother might have a particular pattern of counter-productive attitudes and behavior relating to women in general in ways related to the issues with his mother.

You have transference with your T, you just don't recognize it yet. The reason that relations with a T to address primary object issues can be superior to those involving other secondary objects/people is that the underlying issues are explicitly and deliberately addressed with the T—that’s the whole point of being there and the T is supposed to be “objective.” You don't usually talk about your underlying and unresolved issues with your parents with most regular people in your life, e.g. acquaintances, dentists, waiters, Target cashiers, because it is awkward, a boundaries issue, and because those other people aren’t usually interested in hearing about your issues with your parents let alone wanting to dwell on them and try to work them through with you.