You're right _zh-- there are a bunch of very smart and caring people here, of course you included!!

I suppose what you say about me wondering, does infer that my heart isn't cold, otherwise I wouldn't wonder!!

Besides thinking about other threads regarding "forgiveness"-- I'm also currently going through some real stressful stuff in therapy and it seems to be putting my mind in overload with emotions.... I lean toward the negative when faced with feeling things I've held in. My T. has encouraged me to be less supportive of my mom as he knows the pain she manages to put me through.... it's been 2 weeks and I havn't even called her---- the guilt feeling is almost stifling--- not to mention the loss I'm feeling in coming to terms with the fact that I've never had nor ever will have a nurturing, supportive and caring parent. I've feared that letting go of that illusion will make me less than I am, somehow.

Thanks so much for your support. Yes, I am TRYING!!

Mandy