I think I have reached a very comfortable and uncensored place with T, and my therapy is reaping the benefits. I frankly don't care anymore what I say to him (in terms of feeling shamed). It's about time. It hit me on the way out tonight when I was telling him something I did to cope when he went away last summer and I said, "I guess I was too shy to tell you then."

Tonight I called T on the way home from therapy and compared my wounded inner child to a frightened cat.??? I told T that she would never come out unless she was offered love and kindness. I was worried about something he said in session might wind up alienating her. She is very fragile right now. He keeps challenging me to not model the toxic parenting my parents offered me. Sometimes she feels like the challenge is for her and she gets scared. We agreed he would not use the word challenge.

I see p-doc this week and T asked me if I have told p-doc all of the suicidal ideation thoughts. I haven't for a couple of reasons -- first, I don't want my wings clipped (I have to function) and second, although I adore p-doc I don't feel as safe with him as I do with T (in terms of disclosing).

Over and out.