I feel a bit stupid because I'm not sure if I self injure myself on purpose. I look at pictures and see how huge I am and then I dwell on it. I don't puke I just don't eat. I get so hungry and then I can remember my father telling me that I was so fat in high school that he crushed up diet pills. I was an athlete so that was a sickening feeling.

Now I use a heating pad for pain and we just want to STOP the pain and all we care about is getting through today that we don't even think about tomorrow. The back is really burnt yet we keep using it because it helps with the pain. Now our back is bloatchy and black type circles.

With being hungry we make ourself's feel the pain of hunger just to be prepared just in case we had to deal with that pain of hunger again. I don't want to sound stupid but I feel we do. I would love to cut the pain out because we feel tossed to the side by everyone except here at PC.

Were open to people's thoughts. We are 42 and should know these answers.
Help if you can or may.