I hate to think that this is SI, because it means that Connor has seen me SI'ing. i like to think that he's never seen me do it.

Basically, Connor (boyfriend) and I, had a huuuuge argument yesterday. I gotso, so angry because he said some really deep, hurtful things. So.. Of course, I took offence. And got angry. Plus the fact that he was being quite demanding, his tone was quite threatening, I took the defensive because that is, I feel, my way to survive.. to get defensive. So this just made the situation worse, he got angrier, I got angrier and I started whacking ymself across the head. I do this a lot when i get incredibly angry, but never to the point that I did yesterday. I did it so hard and so much, that hours later, I almost passed out every time I touched my head. Could I have caused myself some serious damage to the head?

So, yeah.. my head is still really, really hurting today and I spoke to sky and had a rant and stuff and even she said "Kirst, it's have a break or get worse." I don't want it to get worse and for us to keep on like this, but I just think.. he caught me at the wrong time, because someone had already really p*ssed me off the night before, got me so upset I was sobbing for hours, to the point that I was sick. I just think I needed another blast off and him being nasty and such gave me the ammo to do it. but he used such horrid ammo against me and I hated it, i really hated it.. When i spoke to Sky, she was gobsmacked. She couldn't believe that Connor was using things from my past, about my adoptive family, to do with me, Against Me!! How unfair is that? Wouldn't YOU get angry if someone did that to you? Had been so understanding at the time, but almost 3 years on, decides to use it against you to win an argument?

The argument was just over my room being messy, I'd tidied my room and cleared lots of rubbish into lots of little carrier bags and left them by the bin ready to go out. I had meant to do it that morning, but completely forgot. So he went off on one at me for it. I'd tried my best. At least you could see the floor, unlike normally.

I just.. My head hurts and I feel like I'm gonna faint every time I touch it. I didn't even notice unntil I was brushing my hair to a silky, soft sheen yesterday. I love my hair. It's my favourite part of me. It's so glossy and sleek and soft and silky. I'm constantly touching my hair. Yet I pull it out sometimes.. It falls out anyway because of all this *******ed stress.

Yeah, back to the point. Was that SI? And.. i remember pinching my chest so hard, i think I left a bruise or two.. Or even cuts. Was this SI?

I want to go and curl up in a ball and hide away from the whole world and cry.