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Deli,
Call your pdoc. Again and again and again. He's supposed to help you as a job duty. Send him a brief letter just telling him you want to see him, having problems with phone messages, confused--is he taking issue with you personally blah-blah-blah. Stop by the clinic and leave the letter. I highly doubt that he’s having issues with you personally.
Don't give up on him.
1. The T you had was bad.
2. I think you're college-age-ish (correct if wrong), F--- your friends. At that age many people aren't very mature about really serious issues. If they aren't very experienced in what goes on with people in recovery and mental health care (and few at that age are), they likely are clueless about what the processes are like let alone able to identify "true" sui feelings from attempts to get attention. T's who've been working for decades don't necessarily know. When I was your age, I realized that my normal friends weren't capable of relating to therapy related stuff. They were too immature, and luckily for them, free enough of mental health issues that they'd never been in the system. I made some older friends for a couple of years thru support groups. Man, being 23 and hanging with some peeps in their mid-30s who'd been around the block was very helpful. Have fun with your friends, but recognize that they can’t help you much with the really intense issues and circumstances you’re in.
3. Likewise, screw the people with the "case team" or whatever they are. What you were told was unethical and should be illegal.
So all of those avenues have demonstrated themselves to have little value for you or anyone needing care.
4. Oh, yeah, F the receptionist or whatever she was. Let your pdoc know about those things.
Don't let a collection of morons, idiots, nimrods, naifs, incompetents, and morally-, ethcially, and legally-challenged reprobates define your self-image.
Don't give up on your pdoc until you know for certain what’s going on. He sounds good. But find other resources for you right now if you need them--a T that you could possibly see briefly and quickly, crises centers, etc.
I'm worried about you being home alone for so long. Make concrete plans for what you'll do with your time. Post here multiple times a day. Message me. I want to know what happens with your pdoc and other stuff.
Don't give up on pdoc; there are communication problems at issue. Go directly to him as much as you can.
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out of my mind, left behind
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