I think I know he wasn't/isn't right, but I can't help thinking that if he gave his side of the story on another message board, he'd be seen as the victim and me the abuser. He insists he never spills his guts to anyone, because it's no one else's business. He just keeps everything bottled up inside. Is that passive aggressive? Because he refuses to openly acknowledge his feelings of anything besides happiness and satisfaction, but displays his unhappiness by trying to control other people's joys and disappointments? When things don't go well, it's OUR fault for not listening to his advice. I'm having a hard time explaining it without going into another long description.

He didn't do well in school really, because he wasn't pushed. He did the bare minimum and partied the rest of the time; didn't go to college even though his dad was wealthy. So now he's pushing our kids to live up to expectations they can't possibly meet in order to gain favorable treatment, expectations he maybe wishes had been placed on him, and they're resenting it and/or feeling inadequate.

It's making me angry because no matter what I say, that maybe he shouldn't push so hard, I get shot down, told this is what they need to succeed in life instead of being supported and praised regarding the things they're already good at. His tactic is that their major achievements need to be ignored or barely acknowledged, and their failures emphasized and told how to be improved.

I want to go "Oh, OK, yeah you're right. I didn't follow your strict rules and look where I am now. Not dead and supporting myself and the kids."