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Jan 27, 2009, 09:16 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: in the glitch inside my brain
Posts: 2,160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by perpetuallysad
There is no way on earth I am in any sort of way feeling like I could/would quit therapy. There are times when the only thing that keeps me getting up is the thought that I have my pdoc's appointment coming up...So I do need it. Plus, I am not stable in any way. No matter how hard we've tried, meds just don't seem to control my swings in any significant way and my depression is rarely lessened by anything for more than a few months...(I think this is a placebo effect, or I somehow grow tolerant to everything.)
Anyhow, regardless of why, biological or sociological, I am bipolar, I know that I have to see my pdoc.
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I feel like I need therapy, need to see my therapist. I look forward to our appointments, even when I know they are going to be difficult. I get nervous and irritable if I'm late and I hate it when the hour ends, even if it’s a rough session.
But when I say need I fear I might mean it in a desperate way. Like a drug addict needs their fix. And I desperately don't want to stop therapy.
At the same time, I wonder if it makes any difference. I wonder if it helps. I wonder if I just forced myself, I could stop going and actually live to see other days.
I've been in therapy almost non-stop for 25 years. Maybe, for me, it's really not all that helpful anymore? OR maybe it is very helpful.
Maybe for me it’s a crutch. He is my only real live person that I talk to. I have no friends inrl.
And I am saying this for me. I think people, in general, who have mental illnesses or who have some life issues should be in therapy. These are just my personal doubts and hang ups about me, no one else.
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