My eldest sister used to say I was a jinx that everyhting I touched would break - it became a self fullfilling prophecy - around her i was so nervous that i always dropped or broke things - it took a long time to break that record (yep its record for me too!)and every now and then it still plays in the background - its hard when you have been told these things all your life to change but you can change - next time you start verbally beating yourself up - ask yourself - would I say this to my friend? if my friend was going through what im going through what would I say to her? I bet it would be more supportive than you are of yourself.

Sannah makes a good point - are you seeing a T? they can help.I know you said that you are seeing a pdoc (psychiatrist) but are ashamed to discuss it with him - oh I understand that - I thought if I told my T that T would be disgusted with me - would look at me as if I crawled out from under the stone I thought I deserved to be living under -but T didnt - T was supportive and helped me find other ways of coping - you dont need to punish yourself - it sounds like you were punished enough for a lifetime by being told the things you were - words can be as painful as hits somtimes and they leave unseen damage.If you feel safe to do so - please let your pdoc know whats happening with you - they cant help unless you tell them.

cantstopcrying gave you some good advice - and that website is good too - I hope you take a look - please try to give yourself a break - can you do one nice thing for yourself today - because you deserve it

Well done for not cutting P7 (and you did somthing right - you came here and posted - that proves them wrong already! you were brave enough and strong enough to do it - thats another thing... see they are DEFINATELY wrong about you!)