Thank you so much ncguynva!

Thanks for caring

It is so useful! It is calming me everytime I read it .
The best thing is that I could realized that I am not that alone if I am not with him.... I do have few but strong roots! They are helping me not to drown in my sadness.
But some others just don't care.... it is hard when someone near you does that. I feel betrayed because I could made it very clear what my problem was and they could not even show some empathy.......just keep getting their indifference
It hurts so bad. Everything hurts....hearing his name, meeting people that knows him, and ohhhh the memories......most of them are really bad....the lies, lack of respect and betrayals...remembering that for him, every bad action and attitude he had towards me was my fault (and exclusive my fault). I never cheated on him. It never cross my mind being with other guy even after he mistreated me so grievously.... I am (and my good root-friends are also) 100% that I did not deserve the kind of treatment he was giving me...
but one thing I can't understant is that....I keep remembering only bad things, bad moments and how ugly and dirty he really is....and still, I suffer because I am not with him and he doesn't care we are not together anymore...
Why do I care about him? I just want to get rid of all these feeling I have for him.....