so >>> i love you all, right? thank you so much for sticking by me even when ppl IRL won't. you guys mean the world to me right now.

i didn't call pdoc today but i will try him tomorrow. today would have been hard to get him anyway because he is not at the clinic on wednesdays, and then i would've got upset if he didn't return my call. but i will try to call him tomorrow. but i'm afraid i won't know what to say. can someone help me with this?

imapatient - thank you for the letter suggestion. if i do not hear from him after the call tomorrow, i will drop off a letter on monday. i think that is a good idea, and something that isn't too scary to do.

i am sad about my friends because they have been friends to me for over 10 years now. i have leant on them for support in the past, and they have been very good about it. so i guess that's why i think i'm doing something wrong - because they have been good in the past, so it must be my behaviour that has made them change their response this time? anyway, i'll know not to bother them again.

i went to disability services at uni today and the lady there said i should call pdoc also . she said if i was too scared she could book me an appointment with one of the counsellors and get them to ring pdoc while i sat there. she said she would call me by the end of the week to follow up on my uni stuff, so i better get in touch with pdoc by then.

earthmama - thank you for thinking about me on australia day! that cheers me up a lot.

free2bme and P7 - group hug? thank you, lovely ladies . i'll read this thread again tomorrow to psych myself up to calling pdoc. i might even call his mobile directly.

peaches - thank you for reframing what the receptionist said. she said it in a cheery manner, and i was ok with it at the time, but then when pdoc didnt call i started thinking maybe she was laughing at me instead. stupid deli and her thoughts . stop thinking, deli!

yes! i started being assertive in a previous relationship i was in, and my partner didnt like it and dumped me. maybe people are used to me being a doormat. i try very hard to *not* ask for help, unless i'm desperate, so maybe i am scaring people with my level of need or something.

thank you, sweetie. i am going ok now but i might need a safety contract next week if my family are away and pdoc doesn't call. i have been looking forward to having a break from work and stuff, but i guess my thoughts have turned a bit scary in that it sees my family going away as a good opportunity to clean things up and action a plan. i will call pdoc tomorrow though. hopefully he will get back to me.

simcha - thank you darling, as always . i'll put on my assertive hat tomorrow and call pdoc.