This morning, my son complained that his dad better be home when they get off the bus tonight, otherwise they'll be locked out of the house.

He installed new locks and hasn't given either of them a key. He installed a new lock a couple of years ago when the old doorknob wasn't working very well. The kids each had a key on them, even when they were here. Now his girlfriend's moved in and he needed to replace the locks again.

It took me right back to remembering when he accused me of stealing legal papers out of his mailbox so he would maybe miss court dates and look like an idiot. Makes me think he's suspicious that I'm driving over there and rummaging through and stealing their things. Why would I want to do that? Set foot in a house where all the things I used to own are being used by a new woman? I won't even set foot in it any more when I drive the kids over with their suitcases every other week.

I just want to tell him he was right, about everything, even though he wasn't, curl up in a ball and just disappear. Let him have everything, the kids, the house, his entire paycheck, a new wonderful life with no ex wife to interfere in any way ever again. Just let him wear my two beautiful kids down little by little, because he's going to do it whether I'm around or not.

I got in contact with Harbor House, had a 90 minute meeting two weeks ago, was told I'd hear back from her about some legal issues later that day or the next day. She hasn't called back. I haven't gotten to any support groups because I don't know how to explain it to the kids, and I haven't had the opportunity to go alone yet. I can't talk to my lawyer. He's useless in these kinds of matters, and almost all of my money has been eaten up.

My computer's not running right. The RAM I got last night isn't compatible, even though EVERYONE I talked to insisted it would be. If I can't find the right RAM, I don't have $400 for a new machine on top of all of these legal fees.

I just feel like everything's stacked against me right now.