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Jess,
As a child barely one year old we were exposed to SRA. We were exposed to evil, we participated in evil behaviors for 4 years. What I learned is that what was done to us did not make us bad or evil. I was an innocent child forced into bad things by adults who chose to do evil things.
The fear and pain were so great that my mind began to split so I could endure it. When my little parts got brave enough to talk to our T and tell her what happened, or the older protector, Lily descibed these things, or the artist, Emily, drew sketches of the rituals, we were shown that the evil ones were the cult members not us.
It wasn't quick or easy to get them to put the shame back where it truly belonged but over time they could see the truth. No one in my system was old enough to understand or even choose what happened over those years.
Throw in some programming and threats and there were some very confused little parts believing all kinds of false notions about who they were.
My hope for you is that one day you will see the truth of what really happened and know you were a victim of some very sick people. You deserve to be free of the shame and guilt and confusion. You deserve to have a life out of the darkness. You are important and you matter. You all are so much more than what was done to you.
It does take time and courage. We are here at PC to let you know bad things happened but you are not bad! You are not alone and there are folks who undestand and care.
Judy and Company
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.
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