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I wasn't sure where to put this, so I stuck it here, feel free to move it if you want.
And I'm not sure if this may be triggering to some people or not so be careful just in case....
So I have an older brother, he's 19, I'm 17. Yeah.
A lot of times I don't know if he loves me, or hell, even likes me. I know it's stupid and that he loves me dearly, but he can be so mean at times. My parents don't notice because he either tones himself down several notches around my dad, and over at mom's he's not allowed to say hateful things and isn't allowed to reach that point of anger.
Basically when he gets mad over anything he's on a warpath, and if you know what's good for you you'll avoid him. I'm pretty sure once we were in our teens he stopped being physically violent with me, but when he's breaking things, slamming doors so hard it shakes the whole house, and screamin' profanities at the top of his lungs I just don't know what he'd do to me so I'm still wary of that and hope he doesn't come anywhere near me. On the off chance that we do cross paths when he get's like this he is more or less verbaly abusive the anything.
He's never like this when dad, mom or my step-dad are around, he actualy keeps his cool....somewhat. So the reaction I get whenever I tell them this is pretty much "I know it's bad but there is nothing e can do about it so you'll just have to put up with it" or "I'll talk with him about it" (which never helps) or "all teenage boys are like that when they get angry; it's all the testosterone"
and that's just when he's angry. other times he is overally critical of me, and when he is niether of those things he is nice. It's so weird when he is nice to me. It feels so unnatural when he follows me arround asking for hugs, saying he loves his baby sister, etc.
But it's like after today I just can't take this crap much longer. I want to love him but it's really hard when he can be so incredibly rude and hurtful to me and then turn around the next minute begging for my affections.
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