Hey Wendy

You're right about that. The only stable thing I had was my relationship with my dad. "Had" being the operative. When I finally did get to live with my real mom at 14, he exiled me from his life. I found out my mom wasn't the vision I'd always had either. That was my breaking point. Even though I moved back to my dad one year later, the damage was done.

I'm really grateful for the psychology references. It gives us those professional viewpoints as well as the others who're watching out for us as we go.

Could we begin on the theme of absent parents? Would that address your issues enough? I think I, and maybe for Tomi too, experienced not only the absence of nurturing parents, but at times abuse could even apply. I know you've mentioned bullying was a problem for you. Would that equal abuse on a therapy level? True, it's not parent generated, but some of the skeleton seems similiar. Aggression, non-validation, isolation, powelessness. Does it make a difference who the abuser was? On some levels I can see that parental abuse is more love critical, but don't we also rely on peers for acceptance, nurturing, companionship? Not meaning to say the two are the same, but is there enough we could go on the theme of oppresive environment, invalidations, isolations, anger, resentment, fears and anxiety in common?

The first thing I read in your assignment to give me hope and validation for trying is "the outcome of any stage is not necessarily permanent." What hope can that give us all? How does it change our perception of even the work we do on ourselves today? The second statement is exactly what we're doing, isn't it? I could never get a therapist to help me work thru the past. Focus on today and the future was what I was directed to do. The rust theory would trip me every time. Basically, I think your second statement validates what I'd been thinking all along myself.

Thank you for the hugs I can't go back and sit in my mothers lap, or have a birthday party with all my friends. But I can re-evaluate history and put it in a perspective of what I had, and what I needed. Tomi knows what I mean. I don't need to have that parenting now. I need to recognize what went wrong and reverse the negative messages. Is that similiar to what you might need regarding the bullying experiences you had?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius