Hi Sheryanne. I'm new here and to this kind of talk so I don't know if I'm doing it right or if I'd better shut up... I'm a bit embarassed to start every sentence by "I" but I don't know what else to say.

Relationships with the abuser afterwards are not so uncommon, are they? I'd never thought about the others before but I imagine that many people are not able to face what happened, to tell other people, and keep on seeing the abuser.

I've got the same kind of hate/love relationship with mine. There's so much anger, so many awful memories and questions. How could he do this to me? On the other side, he feels so guilty, he's done his best to change, he loves me so much, he gave me so much... I can't totally hate him. I feel a very unhealthy kind of love for him.
Yes, it hurts so much. I often feel it won't stop before his death but I also can't imagine my life after his death.

Don't feel guilty for being mad at her, that is so normal you are. Don't force yourself to call her, it can be good to take a break. I feel the same about his voice... I broke my phone, we only use msn now.

Good luck to you