I am so sorry you're having such a rough time. I'm glad you found this site. Welcome! Please request that your parents take you to a doctor, be honest with the doctor. You have trust issues and have every reason to have them, but the doctor doesn't want to take away your free thought, they want to give you a better quality of life. I'm no doctor, but it sounds like some of your problems are due to a chemical imbalance in your brain and medication will help that.

Your parents sound ill equipt to deal with the issues you were having as a child and did not deal with them well. As a result, it was only natural that you would dream that somewhere there was another mother out there, one that loved you and would accept you the way you are.

Paranoia and anxiety are heavy burdens medication can ease those burdens.