i wish i hated him. i honestly do.
it hurts because i still love him and always did, alot.
and to be honest. he doesnt really give a damn and never did.

it would be ok i guess if i didnt really care about him much, but i did. i trusted him too.

and now ive gone and ****ed everything up because im embarrassed to be the cast off as usual. but hey it shoulda been expected.

it doesnt help that the one i was shrugged off for is intent on making my life hard by being in my face all the time with him, when i asked them politely at first, to give me some space. therefore i exploded, not unexpected, as it was the reason why i didnt want to see them.

im always in the wrong here, and im trying to make sure i dont go all paranoid on people and start to think everyone hates me, because its the type of thing id do, and when i do that i push everyone away from me.

its frustrating because im expected by tia to just get over it, as if it is that simple. obviously, she has no comprehension of what i felt and still feel, as by nature tia is coldhearted.

i just miss him like buggery and im sure id be able to cope if she hadnt just jumped right in there as soon as possible, meaning i had no time to get used to the idea that i was just upgraded.

nice to know friends care so much that they consider things like this.