Thankyou..

Today has been tough.. Awfully tough.. We had to watch a play instead of doing our performance lesson.. And guess what it was allllll about?! Death. Deth, blood, tears, anger and war. I was sat there almost in tears, I kept sighing, breathing really heavily to stop the tears from coming.. And now.. I just want to cry.

I'm emotionally and physically drained today.. I need something - Or someone to cheer me up. Connor went home early so I haven't seen him since this morning, so I'm a bit peed off with that because I always wait around for him when i have 3 hours or so off, instead of going home

I just.. i don't have my Dad.. And that's the one thing I want most.. My Dad.. Not my birth Dad neccessarily, although I would love to have known him and to meet him and know him, but my Foster Dad because he.. Well.. He gives me strength. *sob* here I go again I can't put anything about me first without helping others, i just don't feel like i can do it..

One of my friends is goig to be homeless tomorrow.. She's devastated.. she's 18, she doesn't live very near me, has no money to come and stay with me, and.. And she's giving up she's not the type to give up, be depressed.. Never, she's always the one that keeps me going.. Gemma is always there.. And now, I'm the one holding her up, which I love to do because she's given me so much, I owe it to her..

As someone who's been there, done it, got through it and is still going through it, I'm the best person she could turn to.. I feel like i sound big-headed, but I know I don't, because I know for a fact that only someone who's been through it too can help in the best way.. I've urged her to go and see people from college, she's done that now and I will find out tonight what will be happening.. She's someone that suffers because of Charlene, Tash and everyone else just taking advantage of me.. Because I so want to give her the money to get here, to come and stay with me for a couple of nights, but I just don't trust that I'll get it back.. It's not because it's her, it's because of the others.. Charlene and friends.. So Gemma suffers because of their f*cking personality traits of just taking people's money, taking their stuff without asking!

I hate it! I hate it, i hate it, I hate it!! I just want to help the poor girl.. Yeah she may be older than me, but.. She's just not so.. Ready, so.. Mature.. Enough to be able to survive in the streets.. Iwas because I knew how to fight against the odds.. I knew how to fight people and how to protect myself because I had to do it for 11 years against that f*cking family.. She hasn't.. And just because she's 18 and can't get a job, her Mother is kicking her out.. I HAVE to help her..

*sigh* I just wish. Just wish so much that Dad was here.. Was here to keep me going, to make me feel special and loved again and like I can do anything.. But now.. i feel so helpless