I feel so blah after my session today.

The session was really fine. We spent most of the session talking about the situation with Teacher T - I am supposed to meet with her next Friday and can't decide whether or not I should go. T doesn't know either - he says I am not being "black and white", that what I am saying is RIGHT, and really, it's all up to teacher T and how she responds. He thinks it would be okay for me to just be "done" with her now and not even go meet with her, or to go meet with her and see what happens. I guess it feels good to have outside verification from someone who knows both sides of the whole story that I am not being crazy or unreasonable....but it still leaves me in a quandry about how to proceed.

Anyhow, I got tired of talking about it and about having to come from such an adult place. I have too many adult things going on right now - my own health issues, issues with my autistic son, my oldest waking up with something really wrong with his neck today, my old cat being sick, having to take care of my adult alcoholic mom, my husband going through a depression (he has SAD), a crazy busy schedule, etc., etc. I think I needed to just go and rest and let T take care of me instead of working on all of this adult stuff.

When it was time to leave, I totally pulled back. He could feel it and asked about it, and I told him I didn't know why (because I didn't). It was just - bang, walls up, see you later. Why???? I left the session really shut down, in that 'I don't care if I ever see T again" place...not his fault AT ALL, just me and my craziness.

I could feel little me pulling at me, wanting to be heard and loved, but I felt like I *had* to stay adult all session. Maybe that was it. T asked me over and over again during session, "what do you need"? and I DID say "I need to be taken care of" - but I sort of said one thing and did another.

Anyhow, I'm left feeling really blah, and sad, and kind of incomplete and not satisfied. Oh well, I guess that's how it just is sometimes. At least I have a place to come and complain!!

That's it.