sorry now i remember a previous post where u explained this. anyway thanks for clarifying again. i had so many of the same feelings you are experiencing when i first started therapy. lots of old, incorrect "tapes", i call them. not factual, but feelings i had about myself. it is painful to feel so down on yourself so i understand why this is stressful.
one thing you can do is bring this up in therapy so your T can cipher out with you what is really you and how you can perceive your future too.. jme, but this incorrect info about how i perceived myself caused a lot of depression too.
interesting that you mentioned your brother. my brother hasn't really liked me i don't think since the day is was born...that was some time ago i'm 20 months younger than him. he's the oldest sibling. the only thing i can wrap my head around is that he percieved me as a threat to all the attention he got as the first child. so these many years later it continues. i have younger sisters who he doesn't feel negatively about. in therapy i learned that i can't change his mode of thinking but i don't have to believehis way of thinking about me either. that helped me a lot cause he made me feel less-than. he still ignores me but that's on him. he'll never know how much i wish we were "friends" and loving to each other. it's his loss not mine. for so long i felt so hurt by his attitude towards me...i wanted him to like me...then i found acceptance that this wasn't about me but about him.
ok too long a post...but i hope there is something here that may help you. i know you are struggling and i'm glad you posted about this. we can all learn from each other. you may feel those thiings about yourself but i don't think of you that way at all. feelings are not facts. hope that little ditty helps you as it did me.