i have to get the most out of this as i can in as little time as possible, since i have so little available. what's supposed to work, anyway? what more is there to do than try to work on whatever's going on?

my thinking is foggy sometimes, but that's not what i'm talking about. my thoughts can be clear, make total sense to me but i cannot express them verbally.

i think the problem is something physically not working/present in my brain, some kind of connection between thought processing and verbalization, and another missing connection in interpreting interpersonal conduct/non-verbal messages and conversation dynamics. some of this might be learned, but i really think some of it is just missing. i watch and try enough in these areas to make some improvement but there isn't any, it's frustrating and makes no sense.

i'm diagnosed with major depression and bpd.