hi troy, i'm so sorry that you have had to endure this pain for so long. my brother is a nam vet and while professionally successful he has never been able to have a long term committment like marriage...etc. it took him about 30 years to even mention nam. we were prepared, as any family could be, and knew it was his call if he wanted to talk about it. he didn't and i think that is one of the components for his inability to let anyone get close to him.
my son is career military and served X 3 in iraq. each time he has come home with ptsd.
i'm glad you are here at pc and talking about what you are going thru these many years. i hope it lessens some of the horrible intensity of combat ptsd.
i'm sharing these things with you so you will know that i have witenssed the aftermath of war. i commend you for being brave and courageous to share with us some of your trauma and emotional pain. please post as often as needed...i care. i won't hate you now or in the future.