Huh - that's a really interesting question, one I hadn't thought of.

I guess grown up me DOES want to be heard and loved - but little me *knows* beyond a shadow of a doubt that T loves her and will take care of her. There's no question, no wondering, no longing...it just IS. She was the first to trust T, by many, many months, and she LOVES him. Grown up me "knows" too much - that people sometimes hurt each other, that sometimes we trust people who aren't trustworthy, etc - and she is much more wary and careful. Little me is just like "yay! you love me!". We can just play, and talk about wishes, and make up pretend stories, and it feels so good and so healing for that little part of me. Grown up me would never buy that stuff SO, it does feel good when he cares for and hears the grown up that I am, but it's not the same.

As for the meeting with Teacher T (I can't multiquote) - you asked if I can protect myself and handle the worst that could happen. I guess that is the question, and that's what T and I mulled over for the entire session today. Like, if I *know* that what I feel is the truth, can I be strong enough to deal with whatever she might say?? Or am I just setting myself up to be hurt?? T said he almost wants to call her and say 'Earthmama really needs to hear you say x, y, and z", but we both agreed that it was a bad idea - because I need to see where Teacher T is coming from, without any outside coaching. That's the only way I'll know if I can continue working with her. I AM ambivilent. I'm glad I have a week to decide if I am going to go see her. The extra bad part is I can see her OR T for the second session of the week, not both (my schedule won't allow it), so I have to give up a session with T to see her. Yow.