it wasn't the easiest thing to get over. our parents taught us to always be there for each other. so his obvious contempt hurt me so much. i used to try to engage in conversation with him. he'd even ignore my speaking directly to him.
in therapy i learned that i didn't have to choose to accept his contempt for me. i had done nothing to deserve this. his "message" that i wasn't of worth or value had made me have a false belief about myself. my therapist pointed out that i had a wealth of friends that wouldn't care for me if i was truly the "bad" person my brother portrayed of me. if i was i would be exiled from others. so he explained to me that just because my brother felt the way he did about me, didn't make it the truth.
in your case your brother is blaming you for things beyond your control. instead of coming to a resolution about this it's easier for him to blame you for things he can't control. it's the "blame game" and gets him nowhere. you certainly didn't ask for your dx when you were born. nobody does. it sounds like to me that your brother is selfish. i'm sure if the table was turned you would be there and be supportive of him. do you see where his behavior is unkind and selfish?? you are his sister, not a stranger.
in your case i'd suggest the same my T told me..."how do u stay healthy in an unhealthy relationship?" distance. you can avoid as much conversation with him as possible. you do not have to validate your actions to him. he will not acnowledge any validation you give. i wanted to expect that if i explained myself (validate) my brother would understand. he chooses to be incapable of doing this so it's a waste of my time.
yes, it still hurts to not have a loving realtionshiip with the only brother i have. what i do know now is i am not able to change him in any way. his beliefs are not founded on fact. i had to learn to accept those things and "let it go".i don't expect him to be nice to me, i don't expect him to show kindness to me, etc. by not expecting what he can't give me i am freed from his false beliefs about me. i have learned i am of value and worth to others. a lot of ppl validate that fact about myself.
so the person with the problem is my brother. he loses out on having a relationship with someone who loves him very much. i just don't like him very much. and that's ok that i feel that way. it doesn't make me a bad person to not like him. it is what it is. i can't change it. so i accept that he won't ever show me kindness, love, understanding or be there if i needed him.
i hope, zen, that somehow our mutual difficulty with a sibling and my experiences shared in this post will help you. it was in therapy that i discovered the true facts about my relationship, or lack thereof, with my brother.
i'm sorry that you too have this same problem but you do not deserve any blaming or dislike from your brother. he has the problem on this issue, not you.