So guys, at the moment I`m really feeling worse day to day. Today I had the same strange anxiety-panic feeling I had all the past 3 days, but paired with depressive feelings, I cried for hours, then the feelings got to much and I cut myself ( I really do this rarely, so I didn`t mention it before).. Then I needed plasters etc. so I had to go downstairs to my mum ( the only person who was at home) to ask for some. She already knew that I sometimes cut myself but she told me she was disappointed . But she also told me she had done this as well when she was younger, but only to get attention from her parents. She told me other things too, I asked her about me in the past as I can`t remember. For example she told me that once as a kid when she put me into aseat for children in the car, i had started crying for an hour telling her she broke my hip. She said all the doctors at that time only said it was ADHD ( which they still always say when a child has any problems) and wanted to give me Ritalin which she didn`t want for me as she herself had gotten medicamentation when she was younger because of psychological problems. I personally don`t think it sounds like ADHD but okay, they believed the doctors of course, who probably thought i said this and acted like that to terrorize my parents. Anyway this time I told her the whole thing ( even though a part of me was still highly mistrusting her) I told whatever I`d thought of her in paranoid times over the past years and also that I question this believing now but am not sure what to believe. She said everyone would wish those things at times.. but I tried to make clear that I didn`t wish but think for real, so that`s where i differentiate yet she doesn`t seem to fully understand. But okay I told I cried I was totally done and so I finally agreed, I`ll go see a theraphist. She`ll go with me she said as she could need soem help too and as she sees the problem in my childhood which makes her a big factor..I`m not sure how to feel about this honestly I don`t want her with me but as she said she`ll make cler I don`t get medicamentation, I`ll need her. Because I don`t think I`ll be able to speak up against him/ her ( theraphist) whatever s/he might say. I don`t even want to think about telling a stranger all this..was hard ebough tot ell my parents. Still is. Anyway, just wnated to let you know I changed my mind and will get help.