again. but this time i tried other things first. i tried to be in community... tried to see if my dr was available, tried to call my friend (who wasn't home)... didn't want to call the crisis line....and forgot that i had actually added a hotline link here specifically for si (not that I had it with me in the car...). So now I am going to try to find that number in here...bump it up... and put the number in my phone.

And to keep to my promise to report (and T is out of the country still) i shall have to report here... i think i'm allowed.... 14 this time. It's been a while since the last major time. And this time i actually could feel the projected pain in advance and knew that was not something that I would ultimately want nor would it help. But I felt i was out of options. So, I guess i am learning...?