(((((((( Griffe ))))))))
No need for sorry. Distractions can help but they don't deal with the issues. You really need therapy to go through it all. I wish I could sit with you. I don't know, you might find it helpful to write it all out in a journal or diary.
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Pegasus
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein