HI, Patricia...
I'm not clear on some of what you've posted. Were these men you met on forums such as PC, or on Internet dating/singles' sites? If they were singles' sites, can you name which ones?
I know, even people here on PC, have met their soulmates thru such singles' sites. I tried that for several years, but my impression, unfortunately, is that a person you meet online can appear to be anything and everything you might want them to be. I stopped, 4 years ago, trying to meet someone this way, feeling I lacked the ability to "discern" between the good and the bad.
You said, "I am at a loss now as to how to proceed . it may be I just need to be in real life . that may be safer ."
You also mentioned stalking. Do you feel that you are being "cyber" stalked at this time? If so, I hope you take measures to protect yourself, such as blocking emails, etc.
Patty