Hi I'm new to the site and have read many threads here. Thank goodness for them! I have decided to open up and tell someone what happened to me. I don't remeber much but here it goes anyway. I married at 20 to a evil man. He beat me for 7 years and continues to do it in my head for the last 5. He did things like kick me in my head until I was unconious(don't think that was spelled right), lock me a closet for weeks on end with my little boy would put his fingers under the door so I would have someone to hold. He had me ganged raped and finally tried to kill me with his hunting rifle. Thats when I broke and confessed to my family that I needed out. And thanks to them we escaped. But I made another big mistake and moved in with an old friend that was just as evil. After I moved out he would break in and wake me up by cutting me on my throat. He did several break ins before I could prove anything and had him arrested. Both have both searched me out everytime we move and we move alot. I keep running hoping they won't find me and that I can finally stop running. But it never happens. I'm tired of not dealing with all this. I've hid it for so long that I think its manifested into flashbacks. They scare me, the voices and paranoina are way easier. At least with them I know where I am. But I keep slipping back to an awful place where all this started and have a hard time getting back each time. And each time it keeps getting harder to come back. I'm terrified I'll get stuck there. Please if anyone has anything helpful or just wants to talk I welcome the distraction. Please, I still can't get to chats yet and truly need someone who understands. Anyone please this is my last place for peace, if I can't get it here, I'm doomed to be sucked back into that place where I almost died and will definetly die this time. Sorry if this was annoying but in a small way I feel better at least for the moment. Thanks.