thank you chaotic for relating to my thoughts that way. it helps when other people kind of think the same way.


maybe my issues aren't stupid, but i would still want to protect him. from myself, i guess. i know other people won't believe me, but i really do believe i'm somehow bad or dirty or damaged, and i wouldn't want to give anyone i love something that unpure.

i guess - even if i take a step back away from those thoughts - being in a relationship with me would not be easy. what if i froze up every time he wanted sex? that wouldn't be fair to someone i loved. i would want to give him everything so he could keep loving me.

i'd just want to be a healthy person so that he didn't have to go through the pain of facing my issues too, i guess.

"Women I didn’t end up dating, but got to the point where I tried to kiss them (in context) who absolutely refused to acknowledge that their behavior—our behavior—led us to that natural point. They were in complete denial and acted as if I’d just tried to shoot them or something."
see, i think this might be me. i have gone out with guys who have tried to kiss me, and i just freeze up too much and can't do it. i dont want the guy to think he's done something wrong - it's all to do with me - but that's why i dont think i'm cut out for relationships.

thank you for taking the time to challenge my thoughts, imapatient. i find it very valuable .