Couldn't agree more with Shadow and fayerody...

The real work has to start in you, star. If you don't want to change and if you don't want your life to get any better, then it won't. They say sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you really want to change... I say take the shovel and you can always dig a little deeper. So don't wait before something terrible happens, please. You've got friends who love and care about you and you have friends here who care deeply for you, including myself. But we can't make you want to be clean/sober. You have to want it.