hello and welcome to pc!!! when i read your post i said, yeah, he's doing what will help the relationship! going to Therapy will definitely help you identify behaviors you would lilke to change. just be open and honest with your t so he can assist you in these changes. the more they know us the more they can help us.
it sounds like you and your wife may have a stronger relationship than you realize. your both willing to change and overcome obstacles. and bravo to her for going to therapy too.
i know it's hard but try to just take things a day at a time. i know you're nervous about making a "mistake" but if you catch yourself doing that you can acknowledge it to your wife. that hopefully will clear the air and allow you all to continue working on your marriage. no one is perfect and of course you may slip back into old behaviors but in time the new way of being will take charge and you can toss those old behaviors away for good!!! try not to be so hard on yourself. your intentions are good. just keep on keeping on. you all have a solution-finding formula for success.
keep us posted, okay? we're here to support you get through this.