ihateit,

i see lots of potential for change and healing. my spouse and i have been married for 28 years. i am mpd/did, ptsd, and struggle with depression and some physical pain issues. i do not feel like such a prize.

my husband is an overachiever, energizer bunny workaholic who never stops for his pain or mine, for his illness or mine and who does not believe that my dx are legitimate as mpd/did doesn't exist to him.

and somehow we love each other. i have been in counseling for 14 years due to severe childhood abuse of all kinds. we both have the same spiritual values and love our two precious adult daughters.

right now, if you work at your recovery i can see more hope for a vital relationship than i see for my mate and myself.

there is one statement you've made several times that concerns me for you both: "she is my whole world and my life revolves around her". this makes my warning buzzer go off. it is a huge responsibility and weight being someone's entire world and basically someone's "god". very few people can sustain that kind of pressure. if i had to feel i was responsible for my husband's entire happiness and security and well-being in life - i think i might want to run away.

correct me if i am wrong - it sounds like you are saying to her, "i MUST have YOU in my life for ME to be HAPPY". what i am trying to say, however i may be mangling it is that i think you need to explore what "healthy" love looks, feels, sounds like. i think few people are really taught what healthy love is like and we come to marriage with a lot of myths and "hollywood hype" about marriage, love and sex. those misconceptions can do lots of damage to relationships and the people in them.

my last thoughts for you is that i DO see your sincerity and commitment to your family and doing what it takes to make yours last and grow and be healthy and good. i wish you all the very best and hope that you can grow beyond these difficulties and issues. sincerely,

leslie