shirley, you want to know a big reason why you need group support? because they will get in your face and confront you on all of your wishy-washyness in the way you deal with him.....why are you concerned about whether or not this woman stays? you've been divorced four years.......let him go!!! it is not healthy to concentrate so much on his relationship with her and his money habits. what would be self-affirming for you, would be getting what you need from him for the children.....plain and simple..who gives a **** who he sleeps with? or when???? you made so much progress and then you just jumped into the dark hole again and now you're wallowing in the hole .....come on, woman!! you sure don't look like a quitter to me!! love, pat