it's okay melissa, don't worry, you didn't do any wrong. i was just a little confused.

i know getting better would be a good revenge, but it's hard. i have my doctor on my back today, my therapist on my back, and another day ahead of me. it's always a struggle.

memories come back, yelling and whispers in my head, feeling those vile sick dirty hands all over me. life is too unfair. i wish i was blind to my own pain so i could be naive and optimistic but i can't be. i look in the mirror and i hate who i am, what they made me.

i just tell myself one day this will be made right, one day it'll be okay, but i have to ask myself why i lie to myself, and who am i kidding when i try to pretend i'm alright.

thanks for all the replies i've received. you all help.