Your love for your son is impressive, and your willingness to listen to the rage directed at you is extraordinary. It's wonderful that you could separate the rage you saw and what it really was. Reading your words and knowing your reaction brings tears.

You're right ... the rage is still just under the skin and containing it always takes a toll. Those who love us most can see when it's happening. And it's just as scary to us as to anyone else because we don't understand what causes it to surface. When I took some items off a shelf a few minutes ago, I bumped other things and started a little cascade. Nothing was broken, but as things were falling I could feel the rage swelling and pulsing and trying to take over. In times past, I would have thrown things, maybe turned the entire shelf unit over and stormed out. Now, I just push it back and wonder what is wrong with me. This is insignificant. It should not bring rage, not even irritation. It's illogical.

More later......