Figured I'd get this kinda response, no offense. I know I gotta wanna change. Been hearing that since I was in therapy for SI. Thing is I don't want to change. I don't see the wrong in it. Honestly. After 5 years cutting I still don't see the wrong or the bad in that. Same goes for everything else.

I completely agree with hitting rock bottom first. That's how I've been in my life. Even if it means hitting bottom a few times then finally coming to the realization of it all.

I know you guys here care 'cause you don't want anyone else going through what you've been through if you can help it. But my friends in 3D, they don't care so much. They see it as a big joke and so do I.

I don't want to change. Sorry, but that's how I feel. My way of self medicating. I have nothing else to get me through this last year of high school. I can't get real help though. Should've said that earlier. Was in therapy before, not a chance I'm going back. It would hassle my mother too much, as she said so herself. I'm not spending my last year at home with that ***** on my back for me being a drunk.

So what am I supposed to do? I figure this is better than my alternatives. If I cut, I'd definately be in a Psych Ward 'cause I have people that randomly check me. This is so much easier to hide. It stops me from killing myself, as much as it's killing me inside. So what do I do? I'm at a loss...

Kayleigh