Sometimes being in a relationship really sucks.
My husband and I keep getting into arguments.. usually about nothing and we get over it. But last night.. ughh.
I've had a lot of depression and anxiety problems when i was in high school.. I've gotten better, but sometimes those miserable feelings come back.
I feel like I can't talk to him, like we don't have any real conversations about life or anything that really matters. I finally talked to him last night, after a fight.
It started with something really stupid. I was in the bedroom.. i heard him go on the computer, so I asked him what he was doing online.. (he doesn't really like computers). He said nothing.. looking something up. So I was like ok whatever.. But when I walked in the room, he immediately clicked the Xbutton on left corner. I saw that he had been on myspace.. on a girl's profile. I asked him who it was and why he had exited out of the page when I came in. He claimed that he had already done that before I walked in which wasn't true since it wouldve been gone if he wouldve done it before I walked in.
I got angry because I always feel like he's hiding stuff from me. I don't necessarily think he's doing something wrong, but he hides things.
I pretty much broke down, started crying and went to bed. He decided he was going to play the victim and go sleep on the couch.. what the hell? who does that?
I felt terrible and couldn't stop crying.. i live alone and thousands of miles away from friends and family so i felt so alone. After like 30min he walked in room and wanted to pretend nothing was wrong. We argued about it foreverrrr and finally we talked about how we never have real conversations and that we dont share our thoughts/feelings with each other and are pretty much just roommates.
Anyway, I got over it and we're fine now.
But he went to work and I went online.. I went on myspace.. and on his page. I saw who his new friends were.. one was the girl from last night. I know it's his ex girlfriend, who by the way cheated on him with one of their friends. I went on his email, he knows i have the password (FYI) just to see if she had requested to be his friend.. she hadn't. That means that HE went to find HER and HE wanted to add HER.
I know this is childish.. to fight over stupid myspace. But why would he do that? More importantly.. why would he lie to me about it? And not tell me who she was?
I feel like I can't trust him sometimes. He does a lot for me and to help me with everything, but i hate the fact that he hides things from me. Like i said, I don't believe he's doing anything wrong, but he acts as if he was.
I told him to just tell me the truth.. but he swears that he didn't close out the page just because I walked in, which is such a lie. This has happened before, but last time with a friend of his that I don't like (a girl). Both of these girls were total jerks to him at some point.. i just don't understand why he's so curious about them.
And he won't admit anything.. not even to being curious about them.
Why is he hiding things from me? I just want him to be honest with me. I never lie to him about anything and he's hurt me in the past, so it's hard to not feel that pain once again.
Am I just overreacting?

Hes in military.. and i have to leave the country for a while in a few months.. it scares me that he might cheat on me or something.

Please help. I feel like hell now