Wow, my typing was messed up that day.. It's ok, I had someone there for me over the weekend, in the end.. I'm finding it hard to put my trust in him, extremely hard.. One because he's a guy and two, because I'm scared of letting people in, telling them about my life, in case they run away, which will hurt even more..

Had the best day ever on Saturday, my friend, Karima came over and she really cheerd me u;.. But come dinner time, my starving was over.. I couldn't not eat anything, when I was making a pie and some muffins with Karima, for her, Charlene and.. ME. I knew that I would feel guilty and I knew that she'd probably not want to eat anything because she'd feel bad eating in front of me, when i'm not eating and such..

We talked about it a little and she said that she was glad that I'd eaten something that day. She said that it may not have been a 'normal' amount to others, but to her, it was good enough.. Even if I had skipped breakfast and lunch, I'd eaten at least one meal and that made her happy.

It made me sad, very sad indeed. So, I got upset about it once her and Charlene had gone.. Had a panic attack and everything (posted in the anxiety, panic and phobias section), so a friend had to come over and help me out.

He came and saw me last night and cuddled me, skimming my belly with his hand. I flinched slightly and he said "Kirst, you've got nothing to worry about. Your belly isn't fat, it's lovely " I felt embarrassed and slightly uncomfortable, but.. It helped a little. Just *sigh* wish i could believe it for once. I'm still really struggling and I don't want to keep on struggling.. I hate it..

I need to just feel. Beautiful and I feel that the only way I can achieve that is by being thin.