I am an identical twin. We are genetically identical but completely different and she makes me feel so horrible about myself.

I just talked to her on the phone and the whole time I felt so inferior she rambled on about how she has the lead in a one act at her college (I have auditioned for 4 one acts so far at my college and not gotten in to a single one) How this really hot guy is interested in her and she thinks another one might be too (My boyfriend and I just broke up not even a week ago, she didn't even ask about it) and various other things including how she was made vice president of RHA, the things she had done with all her millions of friends etc. etc. etc. It makes me SO frustrated! I don't understand how we can have identical DNA but she turned out so much better than me. She is everything that I'm not, she is incredibly pretty (and I know people are just thinking we are identical twins we look exactly the same. we really don't at all. she is WAY prettier and I have had several people tell me this) She is so talented, good at everything, she is social, she has a lot of friends, she is incredibly thin (and has never even been on a diet in her life) She is smart, people love her.

I just do not understand why I am not like that. We are TWINS I should be like her! But I'm not, I am ugly, I don't do well in school, I am worthless and have no accomplishments or talents, I have very few friends. No one likes me. I can't do anything.

I just don't get how we were raised by the same people, grew up in the same house, had the same experiences, did the same things but she turned out so wonderfully and I turned out like this. What is wrong with me? Why do I mess everything up? She just shows that I brought my problems upon myself because we come from the same things and she is happy and I'm not. I don't know why that is.

That's the big difference. She is HAPPY. Why aren't I?? That's all I want. I just want to stop being so incredibly depressed every day and just be happy. People tell me happiness won't come from being pretty or talented or smart but it's hard for me to believe them when I look at girls like my sister and the people at school who have these things and they are the people who are really happy. I know they all have problems and I know their lives aren't perfect but they are happy. And that's all I want.

Twins are a genetic mutation. They are something that isn't supposed to happen but does. I often feel like I am someone who wasn't supposed to happen. One time I was talking to a friend who had recently found out her mother had become pregnant with her by accident. During the conversation she told me that when you think about it I had kind of been born by accident too. I told her this wasn't true, my mother had planned to get pregnant but she replied "Yeah, but your mum only planned to get pregnant with ONE baby, she didn't plan for you" This is something that has stuck with me for a while now. I have always felt like I was just an add on to my sister, people hung out with me because they wanted her and I came along. Jessie was born first and I just came along with her. My older sister (not the twin but an older one) once commented that I was like the "free gift with purchase" you get at clinique. You'll use it because it was free but you only got it because it came along with the thing you really wanted. You wouldn't have been interested otherwise.


Sorry for the long post. I just needed a rant.