Thank you, T_MD. When I said that the specialists wouldn't see me, I meant psychologists, not psychiatrists. Or, at least, the psychiatrist whom I see will see me, and that's enough for me. (I like him, which is rather amazing after some of my past experiences. And I -- mostly -- trust him, which is much more amazing.)

And you're absolutely right -- I am very ambivalent about recovery. I do comply with meds, but have a hard time complying with the meal plan my nutritional counselor has made up for me. Of course, that's because anorexia has worked for me, sick as that is. (Well, it's also obvious, when you think about it: if it didn't have some benefit, we wouldn't continue doing it, right?) So there's the habituation because of the benefits to fight, as well as all the obvious things like shrunken stomachs, etc.

For what it's worth, I saw my psychiatrist today -- who was very concerned about his office staff not getting back to me last week while he was on vacation -- and we raised the Wellbutrin XL, so we'll see how that goes. He's also given me a prescription for Ambien, to try to break the insomnia cycle. (And warned me about the risks of being awake after taking it: told me a story about getting paged after he had taken it, and the consequences.... Another reason I like him: he will tell stories about his own experiences if they're relevant. My favorite involved drinking Chartreuse...)

Thank you again for checking in. I was wondering if I'd forgotten my deodorant or something, when no one responded...