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My T tells me now and then that she doesn’t direct people, and that she doesn’t push people, but apparently the price I am going to have to pay for giving in and calling her to talk 20 minutes between sessions is having her make it very clear what she expects us to talk about the next time we get together.
Which is tomorrow. And I feel very resentful. I was looking forward to going but now I feel sort of like I am going to be on the carpet, and it makes me angry. All this time she has spent telling me that I am too apologetic for myself and she wants to focus on this one thing that all my life people have (acted like I should apologize for, and and I have been doing it and not believing that I really have to.
If I get my anger straightened out, what the anger is causing ought to right itself also, yes? but at the moment, all I have is my anger, and it seems that there's a lot more of it than I thought was in here.
I feel sort of persecuted. Good grief, I went to the grocery store at lunchtime and bought paper towels, which is innocent enough, and when I opened them I find that they have SAYINGS on them like, “secrets are best whispered” and “a burden shared is half as heavy.”
Bah. Humbug.
Signed
grouch
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