i can't go to the dentist either..my teeth are a mess...its the one thing i wish i could change about me..i don't mind that i am fat or not pretty but my teeth...well thats another story.

geez..i don't know how mnuch anxiety meds it would take to get me into a dentist office and keep me there...i honestly think i would have to be knocked out for someone to work on my mouth.

my dentist never harmed me but because of all the sexual abuse i can't tolerate things in my mouth, especially with a male dentist. i had one in high school who used novacaine and laughing gas and that was okay (but honestly it was before i remembered most of the abuse) and i think the addict in me enjoyed the drugs enough to block out the inner and dental pain.

as far as the pain from all the anguish of the remembering and the aftermath...i wish i could tell you it will someday all be gone. i have similar anger issues as you....can't tell you how many time i wished i was dead so the pain would be gone..and how many of those times i tried.

oh god i was so angry...i wanted to hurt and beat down anyone who got in my way ...and my favorite target was me.

for now anyway i am in a calmer safer place...be it from a great t and a pdoc who finally figured out the right meds, exercise, age, and maybe i just have begun to make peace with things. my abusers for the most part are dead (except for siblings and a cousin and i have no contact with them).

i still dissociate all over the place and the people come and go. i'd be lying if i said i didn't lose time or know everything that happened 24/7. it's not perfect...but its better.

so maybe that angry, rage filled period passes...slowly...i guess now that i think about it and start to put it down on paper it seems mine has somewhat lessened.

i hope this helps a little...i know the feeling of frustration and it sucks, and it does feel like it will never end, but it does.