sannah,

things flipped out into the first firestorm of rage and sadness i've ever really had about those evil years of childhood. this thread was written as i began to build to my breaking point. i was able to allow myself to cry, wail, write, curse, fuss until i had it all out for this time. i called my T on sunday morn. at 8:30 am - something i've never done in 14 years. while telling her about the night before i melted down and wailed and fussed all over again about the cruel pain left in me by abuse and she was kinda pleased. it took all those years to break with intense programming to not cry no matter what they did or how conflicting their demands. those people really were monsters.

all in all i am very proud of my alters and myself. we did some significant work in the midst of frightening rage. so, thank you for the suggestions and input. this is but the first of many times of finally letting myself get
those terrifying feelings out there to examine. thank you for your questions.

leslie