It sounds to me like you need a hug or two or maybe twenty!

Things will get better! I'm sorry that it's rough right now but please don't give up! You have friends here to help you, a community of people who know firsthand how overwhelming and hopeless life can be to support you whenever you need it. If you think that you're going to hurt yourself, please, please go to the hospital and tell them how you feel so that they can take care of you. The professionals are there to listen and to help, so keep talking to them. Do you have at therapist you can talk to about this? And it's good that you're calling the crisis hotline. It's there to help you get through anything -- I know from my own experience that being depressed makes even little things feel like a full-blown crisis, and talking it out with anyone relieves some of the pressure.
I looked at both the posts you've put up and you are not the scum of the earth. You're cared about and I want to see you get through this!! Don't give up on your life. Instead, focus on reclaiming it from this terrible, terrible illness. Fight hard and know you're not fighting alone! And keep posting. I care about how you're feeling and I'm here to help you through it any way I can. Feel free to pm me if you like.


Take care. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but when you hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.