oh, ((((((((((((((((((toller))))))))))))))))))))))), therapy can be so hard....

I don't think I looked at T for MONTHS when I started therapy. Sometimes when he was talking I would peek at him, but I mainly studied the carpet or stared at the walls or hid behind my hands. As I got more comfortable and started to trust him, I started to look at him a little more. Now I honestly will gaze into his eyes sometimes without speaking - just to kind of see that he is "there" - it feels really connecting. I never, EVER thought I would feel that safe. EVER! It just took time, and patience.

Did your T tell you therapy would end if you didn't look at her/talk, or is that something that you are afraid of?? I was very afraid of T terminating me or referring me for a long time...but we are still together, 15 months later. Those fears can seem very big and very real.

For me, when I can't talk, the best thing for me to do is to talk about not being able to talk (or look at him, or whatever). It's honest, it's where I'm at, and somehow, slowly, it opens the door to talk about other things.

((((((((((((((toller))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you're having such a hard time...