*Hugs* You're right, you don't deserve it an I'm so happy that you realise that!

And, if you don't think you can cope with camp, don't go. But there's nothing to say you can't go when you're feeling up to it. You won't lose it forever.

And you say swimming is down to a medical condition? That's not your fault. That's not YOU losing, that's your condition losing, and once doctors figure out what it is, you can concentrate on not losing again

But until then, as you probably know, use your two best friends for supposrt, and distract yourself with college and getting better.

I know words don't always help you to feel better, but I do hope that you feel better soon. *Hugs*