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mandazzle,
i am so sorry you seem to be losing something so important that you can't see your life without it.
boy, i would be really angry too. i think it is so hard to come to grips with the fact that life is NOT fair. we get so hurt and angry when something like this happens. we picture our life and we've all seen "happily ever after movies" and then some bad things come along and wreck our happily....
the thing i would encourage you to do is find a way to pour out your anger some place safe, alone or with someone you can really trust. then i would encourage you to keep your eyes open for new things to come along - that will give you similar joy and opportunity to serve and help others. there are thousands of helping opportunities and you will find other ways to enjoy and serve.
no one and i mean no one gets through life without unfair blows, rotten breaks and painful losses. we do have a choice how we handle these cruel things that put rocks in our road. you can keep anger til it becomes bitterness or you can work through the anger and sadness and begin to adapt to new things. i have the feeling you are someone who will find a way to grow beyond this rotten circumstance. feel free to vent and work things out here. people will support you here. i wish you new and wonderful opportunities.
leslie
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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